The unwritten rules of workplace friendships
Lee Iacocca, the automotive executive that both developed the Ford Mustang and led Chrysler’s revival, said this about teamwork:
“A major reason capable people fail to advance is that they don’t work well with their colleagues.”
Now, you don’t need to like someone to work well with them, but it doesn’t hurt. In fact, working with people you like tends to improve job satisfaction, and thus performance.
For managers though, things can be a little different. Getting on with your employees is important, but being friends with them is sometimes seen as crossing a line.
While there’s no right or wrong answer for each situation, we’ll take a look at both sides of the argument and weigh up what best practice should look like.
What are the benefits of being friends with employees?
There are several advantages to getting on well with those you manage, perhaps even to the point of considering them as friends.
Firstly, building these sort of relationships may allow you to be a more authentic version of yourself at work. This can make the days more enjoyable and help the time pass quicker, even when you’re working.
Secondly, being genuine friends with employees will lead to a relationship built on respect, allowing each party to be more compassionate and insightful when it comes to the other. This can help with areas like balancing work hours around other life commitments.
Finally, positive relationships at work may reduce the incidence of conflict, allowing for a more peaceful and harmonious atmosphere. However, as we’ll see in the next section, that may not always be as good a thing as it sounds.
What are the disadvantages of being friends with employees?
If everyone in your workplace gets on, your team might fall into the trap of ‘groupthink’. When everyone gets in, it’s easier and more comfortable for people to go along with what the majority thinks or wants, rather than prioritising the correct decisions.
This behaviour, which is often unconscious, can preserve harmony and keep everyone happy, but at the expense of the change, challenge, and progress that conflict can provide. It’s sometimes important to disagree if that gives rise to new ideas and ways of thinking.
There are several other reasons why being friends with your employees may not be a good idea. Another that ties into a benefit stated above is that it is possible to have too much fun at work!
You may be familiar with the fictional manager Michael Scott from TV show The Office. One of Michael’s biggest weaknesses is a need to be liked, which often causes him to prioritise friendships over business decisions. This leads to hilarity, of course, but also to many negative consequences for his company.
The next is that it may cause resentment among other employees if they see, or believe they see, your friend getting special treatment because of their relationship with you. For instance, if you delegate time off management to an assistant, be careful that this isn't seen as them getting bonus authority because you two get on well.
You may not even realise that you are making decisions that benefit your friend simply because of your higher opinion of them. This could lead to more talented individuals being overlooked, to the detriment of them and the company.
It may also become difficult for the individuals involved to separate their relationship inside and outside of work. That can mean that stresses and pressures from work creep into their personal lives, or that fallings out outside of work hamper productivity and atmosphere in the workplace. Either way, the after effects can be damaging.
If a friendship does end, it can have disastrous consequences for the business. One or both parties may harbour negative feelings and allow this to affect their mood and productivity.
How should managers find the right balance?
As with all things, striking the right balance is important. While it can be beneficial to get on with employees, managers must be careful not to go too far. This can be particularly challenging for managers who were promoted from the team previously and are still used to being one of the gang.
Open communication is an important start. If you already have established work friendships, take the time to sit down with those employees and explain why it is important that your relationship stays professional at work.
You should outline the risks and benefits so that they are aware that the decision isn’t a reflection on them, but rather a business decision made for the benefit of both individuals and the wider team.
Setting clear boundaries on what constitutes appropriate behaviour at work, and how much time you spend together there, can be a helpful start. Keeping any business-related discussions to the workplace, and holding them through professional channels, will help avoid murky situations arising and accusations of favouritism.
If you’re unsure about your capability to make impartial decisions regarding a friend at work, ask someone to oversee the decision-making process and ensure that you aren’t showing preferential treatment.
As long as both parties are mature and open with each other, there’s no reason why friendships between managers and employees can’t work, but you need a framework in place to ensure they are handled correctly.